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The runner/chaser dynamic: 10 reasons why the twin flame runner runs

Updated: Jun 17, 2023

The runner chaser dynamic. There is so much information out on the web about the runner chaser phase of the twin flame connection… Some of it says this pattern doesn’t even exist, yet for those of us who have encountered it, we know it can feel very real, even debilitating emotionally— the tears, triggers and trauma are very real!

Reading things that say it’s not real just make you feel worse about yourself.

In truth, we are always connected with our twin flame as the two sides of a coin, or two beings of the same energy.

Yet when this isn’t showing up in 3-D what to do?

In this post we'll get into a bit about the runner and the chaser, 

You meet your twin. The feelings of love expansion are undeniable. There’s a sense that you’ve landed. And then they run. What causes this? Why would they ever push away from something t hat’s so blissful?

Here are 10 reasons they might run:

1. Fear - this can show up in many ways, but one is.... if she saw who I truly am, she might leave me. I’d better run. Or, they’ve been hurt by a woman leaving in the past, and they know that your leaving would hurt even worse so they choose to leave before you abandoning them is even a possibility.

2. Insecurity - I’m not good enough for her. She’ll go for someone who has more money… or is fitter... or I’m too old, live too far away, or don't fit in culturally. I don’t even have a chance. Yep! Your twin has self doubt too. This relates to both #1 and #3.

3. Unworthiness. They see your beauty. They see the gift that you are… That’s frightening beyond belief because they don’t see their own beauty. Their thinking goes along the lines of: “Why would someone so amazing be into me? When I told my twin, “I really love you,” he looked doubtful. “But, you’re so lit!” And then, “what kind of love? What do you mean?” And I described… And then he said, “but why?!” This response was devastating because I’d hoped for reciprocity!!

4. Doubt- Doubt that you feel the same way as they do. Doubt that it will work out with all the obstacles in the way, doubt that what he feels is real. Doubt on a lot of levels.

5. Out of Control- he can’t control feelings for you. So he tries to get rid of them by going away. That’s the only element he feels he has control over when it comes to you. He may cut off communication because he gets too emotionally provoked when you reach out, and that’s hard for him.

6. Overwhelmed- likely, he has never felt this strongly about anyone, including all his past relationships that didn’t work out. Feeling out of control can lead to a sense of overwhelm, especially because he can’t figure out why this is so intense. Usually, as the running twin, he doesn't have the same kind of tools or spiritual practices that you might have for dealing with these uncomfortable feelings.

7. Unhealed wounds - you bring these up for him! (And don’t worry- that’s exactly what you’re designed to do.) See some of my other posts. So he needs space to look at and process those. Or- he needs time with other adventures and people to learn the lessons and have the healing that will bring you together. (Believe me, you don’t always want to be the person that he learns his lessons with.)

Think of your relationship as a pear tree. The tree has been planted, and it's being watered, but it's just not time for the pears yet. There's growing to do before it's time.

8. Emotional immaturity - He can’t process his emotions, So the easiest way, it seems, Is to find other people and things to distract himself with. This could even be movies, alcohol, other women, creative projects, you name it. Don’t worry… That’s not the end of the story. A message go you: I am on a journey of growth, even if it doesn’t look like much from the outside. Again, think of the pear tree.

9. Feeling Crazy- did you feel crazy with feelings toward your twin? When you get triggered do you feel like an alien has taken over your body momentarily or for several hours? Imagine how it is for him! He does not have the same resources and tools that you have, so it is easy to feel crazy and ashamed and to want to retreat.

10. 5D timing- Plain and simple, it’s not time yet and your soul knows this. Here’s a great mantra: we will be together when it’s time to be together. Not a moment before, not a moment after.

Can you help speed the process? By aligning more and more to love, you’re on your way. This "aligning" could be doing self nurturing practices, changing your old beliefs (there are products in my shop for that). Also useful practices: coming more and more into the present moment without resistance, and letting go of blame and stepping into forgiveness of your twin or yourself or past partners and experiences. Tapping is a great tool. So is meditation. Here's a quick one

Need some help? I'm happy to help. Schedule a session HERE

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